Making is about gestating and then giving birth to an idea. It's a creative act. But in the very moment of giving birth there is also a deep and abiding sense of loss. An impossible grief at shedding the thing which has sustained, nurtured and held you in place in this world for so long. A shadow hangs over the joys of achievement and completion.
There comes a time when the project you've poured your heart and soul into ends. You have to let go and send it out into the big, wide world. Over the last few years I've become much better at finishing the projects I've started. However, I'm only just beginning to recognise and comprehend the grief that comes with the inevitable ending.
There is a palpable sense of loss when you no longer have your project to work on. Whatever that project may be. All the dreaming, scheming, plotting, planning, creating, manifesting and making are done. When I'm creating something for myself there is the satisfaction that comes with using the final product. However, lately I've been working on bigger projects and sending them out into the world for others to share.
It's where I am at at the moment. My major projects are all coming to fruition at the same time and there is a huge sense of sadness. I feel aimless and flapping in the wind. One little battered peg holding me in place on the line. I've been trying to fill the void with busyness but it hasn't been working.
But. There is always a but isn't there? But I can see the value in the grieving. the letting go of the expectations. The relinquishing of doing for just a little while to sit with the sadness of endings. Because really all the emotions are valid - the 'good' and the 'bad', the 'positive' and the 'negative'. Damming up all those negative can be detrimental. And the more I can let them all flow through me, the more peaceful I think I will be.