When To Let Go
In the last couple of years I've managed to create a few things that I am quite proud of. But there's one project from this year in particular that's still hanging around, haunting me. It's almost but not quite done because I haven't had the time to finish it. Or, if the truth be told, I haven't made the time.
I keep planning a certain month when I will clear the slate and focus on getting this project done. I tell myself, 'Oh yes. In November I will have done x,y and z and I will have time to finish this thing.' And then November rolls around and I manage to find other more urgent, more important things that need to be done.
There's another project that's been hanging around even longer and I keep forgetting it even exists. I have no idea if or when it will ever get finished. Which raises an interesting question about which projects get finished and which never see the light of day. It's not always the best ideas that come to fruition either. I wish there was a magic formula for figuring out which ones were the best so I could focus on them but unfortunately my creativity doesn't seem to work that way.
After my recent trip to Wye River I came home without any urge to check my do list or tick off items. I faffed around the house for a bit. Lay on the couch with a mystery gastro bug for a bit. Stared mindlessly out the window. Got lost in some internet rabbit holes. Pretty much just messed around not doing anything much. And then one morning while the rest of the house was still asleep I woke up without any clear goal or intention. I thought to myself, 'I'll just sit down at the computer and see what happens.'
These are my favourite days by the way. The ones where I don't have a set plan and I just noodle around following my curiosity and seeing where I end up. It's at times like these that my creativity feels the most bold and free. Its when I get the most passionate and excited and lose hours at a time.
I ended up starting a grand, new project. One that's going to mean going and learning a bunch of new skills like essay writing and creative non-fiction. I think I'll need to buy some books and do some research as well. So basically all my happy things - writing, books, reading, learning new things - wrapped up in one new project!
And just like that, I suddenly found myself thinking of ways to finish the project that's been bugging me. It turns out I can't let go of one project until I have another that I have started or lined up.
And you know what? I know this about myself but I forget it every time! Maybe I need to trust the process more :)