Finding the Muse
The poetry retreat I attended on the weekend was just what I needed to restore and revive my flagging spirits. The year so far has been a challenging one for me personally. My health hasn't been great and there have been big transitions at home. These have all taken up a lot of my energy. As a result, I've spent the last couple of months feeling flat and unmotivated.
Coming back from Sri Lanka I was filled with plans and energy but my body had other ideas. It wanted me to rest and wouldn't let me use my hands to make things or be at the computer. I tried to keep going but had to finally admit defeat. There was a very dark point where I wasn't getting better and couldn't see a way out. It was incredibly frustrating and I'm still processing what that all means.
I've been slowly getting better and the family stuff is starting to find its groove but I didn't know how to build that bridge from where I was to where I wanted to be. I didn't even know where I wanted to be any more. Which is a strange feeling for me. At any one time I have about a million ideas whizzing though my head and about a million more that are in various stages of completion. Most of the time I happily bounce from idea to idea and enjoy juggling all the different projects I have on the go. Even though those projects are all still there, I didn't feel like doing any of them.
Part of finding that groove has been getting out into the world as my own person, without kids in tow. In the last couple of weeks I have attended two different poetry workshops and caught up with a good friend in Tasmania. Meeting new people and hanging out with good friends has been so nourishing and happy making. The workshops turned on the tap and I can feel myself opening up to life once more. Inspiration is starting to trickle in again and words and I are becoming reacquainted, perhaps picking up where we left off or maybe starting someplace new for both of us. Whatever it is and whatever it looks like, I am so glad to be back here at the computer, catching those words while my body will let me.
Sitting here, typing these words, a big grin is spreading itself across my face. Cracking those cheeks and turning up those lips which thought gravity was always this heavy. It was so, so good to be in the presence of other people. Being creative together, sharing stories and laughing. All those good things that remind us of what it is like to be human.
The poems I wrote on the retreat weren't amazing, earth shattering works of art that are going to set the world on fire. They are tender reminders that tending to the self and doing the things that connect are what brings us home again to ourselves.